I’ve done some Java exercises today. Getting slightly more confident in writing code. Most of the codes are codes doing math. So that takes a bit of time to get used to. Oh! I’m making more cookies soon. I already have the dough made, so I can just roll them out and cut them with cookie cutters. I’ve also got Skyrim to play on my computer. I had to disable a few mods, but then it worked!
I still don’t know what much to say. I keep zoning. My mind is racing, yet it can’t slow down enough to form a coherent thought. My ADHD is in full swing. They say that ADHD is a chronic condition characterized by attention difficulty, impulsiveness, and hyperactivity. I’m not sure I have the impulsive trait. I certainly have attention difficulty. It’s hard for me to focus on one thing for a long time. Sometimes I think I lack motivation. But that doesn’t make sense to me. I want to do these things that I’m learning or when I’m trying to write. I like doing these things. I do have depression, but it’s mild. And on my Bipolar scale, I’m pretty high on it at the moment (mania). So much so that I should be able to write a lot or ramble on about something. I struggle with motivation issues and quickly become overwhelmed by even the most basic tasks. /sigh. I should go and start baking right now. But even getting started on that, something I love, is hard sometimes. And it’s not about focusing all the time. It’s about the inability to choose what you focus on. A lack of ability to shift focus. I’m always weary when I talk about my ADHD. ADD, and ADHD always brings out the anti-psych crowd. Some have a hard time seeing this as real. I think that is the problem with a lot of mental illnesses. It isn’t physical. For the most part, one can see a physical illness and believe and act accordingly. Even I have a hard time seeing mental illnesses as accurately as physical illnesses. If you can’t see it, many see it as not true. To the average person, there is no science in focusing and motivation. Motivation is an intangible quality that you have to have. And if you don’t you are labeled as ‘lazy.’ That’s just being ignorant.
I feel like I went off on a tangent there. I will take a small break, and then I start baking. Until next time…
