I finished the HTML portion of Freecodecamp and am now onto Javascript. I’m not sure I can do HTML blindly; maybe I can. It would be a simple site. Javascript makes me nervous. But I can do this!
A friend of mine had been going through some rough times and has brought back some memories of my own. I’ve been in a narcissistic, abusive relationship, and every day I’m grateful that I’m now out. I’m glad she is finally out of hers. Sometimes it is hard to believe I’m free, and my mind then flashbacks to the horrible memories. I feel like I can’t even trust my mind as it’s forcing me to think of these memories. It makes me angry too. Angry that I still have to endure these memories on steroids. Angry that I still get paranoid that I’m being watched or scared that I might make someone mad that I don’t speak my mind. Angry that I can’t get the images of myself being thrown across the room out of my head right now. Or all the things that were said to me. I take medications, for crying out loud. Shouldn’t that help? I fear it is helping, yet these flashbacks would be worse if I weren’t on medications.
But not every day do I get these flashbacks. I have my good and bad days. I haven’t been filling out the gratitude log I mentioned before starting. I should do that today. I just always have the thought that gratitude logs don’t work. But I can’t really say because I haven’t done it yet.
I should get back to coding. Put on some music and lose myself in JavaScript. I wish I had some cookies. I feel like baking. I have a Final Fantasy xiv cookbook with chocolate chip espresso cookies that are pretty good. There are a few tweaks that I need to make to the recipe to make them even better. Ok, back to my coding.
