As a people pleaser, I wonder if this is a form of manipulation. It occurred to me that maybe I was being as manipulative since my desire to please isn’t always from a desire to please but to protect myself. Is that, at its core, selfish and ultimately manipulative? Since I’m trying to change an outcome.
People pleasing is usually a trauma response and is generally not exploitative. That was the sticking point in that people pleasing is a coping mechanism that doesn’t seek to gain anything. People pleasing is an attempt to avoid problems. So while it can be done to ‘manipulate’ an outcome, it’s also limited in that sense. It’s not about getting something from someone. It’s the exact opposite.
People pleasing can lead to frustration or resentment for those that please, but people pleasing can rob their colleagues, families, friends, and partners of the opportunity to get to know them authentically. The best action may be to ask oneself if the fear of not pleasing someone is realistic and go from there. Sometimes we are often not conscious of what it is that we are worried about
On the other hand, a person who exhibits manipulative behavior is often a detriment to others. They will utilize controlling and influencing tactics to mold someone’s perceptions and responses to them to get what they want, regardless of the consequences. While a people-pleaser may fear retribution or be seen as a wrong person, a manipulative person has little to no concern for what others think of them. So can people pleasing be seen as a manipulative tactic in a particular situation?
In other news, I have my car back. She has new brakes, oil changed and struts and shocks inspected. Beetle is feeling pretty good and she stops! A very important feature of any vehicle. In javascript I have been reading on logic tables and using multiple conditional operators.
