Today in coding, we covered links, images, and Git commit messages. The HTML part is relatively straightforward, as I’ve had previous experience with it. However, I need to put in more effort regarding Git commit messages. These messages are essential for describing changes in a Git repository. When you make a commit in Git, you are essentially saving a snapshot of the project’s files at that moment, and the commit message serves to explain what changes were made and why. Unfortunately, I struggle with articulating the “how” and “why” of the changes I’ve made to my code, especially if they are complex or need to be explained in a way others can easily understand. I have problems articulating myself regularly, so doing it in a short commit message is frustrating.
Sometimes, I still feel that I’m dissociating. I want to talk about my dissociative disorder with my therapist today, but I’m not sure how to approach the subject. I’ve been feeling frustrated because I’m struggling to remember things, and I think it might be connected to how I sometimes feel disconnected from myself or what’s happening around me. Especially if I disagree with someone, I may just dissociate rather than be present. Then, I don’t fully remember what was said or done during the conversation. I sometimes feel like I have blocks of time in a day that I don’t remember. It’s been tough to bring this up because I don’t always have the words to explain what’s happening.
I also dissociate when things are hard. When I’m coding, and I feel that it is too difficult, I may dissociate. This has made my coding more difficult. I want to deal with difficult situations without dissociating so I have a better view and understanding of what I’m doing or trying to learn. I can and have dissociated while I’m writing, too. Later, I can read what I wrote and not remember it or have it feel like someone else wrote it. It’s confusing and makes me feel even more distant from myself.
I know I need to ground myself and do this several times daily. I stop and become aware or mindful of my surroundings to make myself present. The problem is when I dissociate, and I’m not fully aware that I dissociated. It makes it harder to come out of dissociation and into the present time.
It’s later in the day. After speaking with my therapist, I gained some insight into my dissociation. I also learned the importance of practicing grounding techniques to help anchor myself in the present moment, which can be beneficial for preventing or managing dissociation. Additionally, my therapist suggested journaling as a way to process my feelings before, during, and after experiencing dissociation. He also suggested taking a break to meditate. I have tried that before but never stuck with it.
Alex just prepared a small bowl of rice and spam for me. It was decent. I don’t usually eat spam, but I appreciated the gesture. I need to get back to coding. I’m uncertain about what’s on the menu for dinner tonight. We initially considered a gluten-containing dish after Alex mentioned he had work today. However, we later discovered that he was joking, so now we need to come up with an alternative gluten-free option.
